Shrinking to Stay Chosen
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Erica: [00:00:00] This episode of Inner Sanctuary RAW uncovers the hard truth about why you shrink yourself to stay chosen—and how to finally reclaim your voice, your power, and your worth.
Have you ever shrunk yourself, your voice, your needs, your dreams just to stay chosen? It's like you believe being smaller, quieter, easier to love will keep you safe. But here's the truth. Shrinking doesn't earn you love. It only teaches you to disappear. In this episode of the Inner Sanctuary Raw, I'm sharing the hard truth about why we shrink, how it cost us everything, and how to reclaim the parts of yourself you've buried to be enough.
You learned to shrink for survival, didn't you? Maybe as a child you were told you were too much or that love was conditional. Only given, when you [00:01:00] played small and stay quiet, and now even as an adult, you feel yourself dimming your light in relationships.
You don't speak up about your needs. You walk on eggshells. You tell yourself, if I'm just easy to love, they won't leave. But here's the cost. Every time you shrink to stay chosen, you abandon yourself.
But why do we do this even when we know it hurts?
The answer lives in your nervous system. When you grow up learning that love is conditional, your body adapts to keep you safe. As a child, you might've learned to make yourself small, tensing your muscles, holding your breath, shrinking your energy so you wouldn't get in trouble or so you'd be loved. This becomes a survival pattern wired into your brain and body.
Even as an adult, your nervous system remembers you shrink, not because you're weak, [00:02:00] but because your body is wired to protect you from the rejection and loss. But here's the good news. With awareness and practice, you can teach your body that it's safe to take up space now, safe to be fully seen.
I used to do this all the time. I twist myself into someone I thought they wanted. Softer, here, quieter, there never showing my anger or my truth. I thought that was love. I thought that was safety. But what I didn't realize was this, when you shrink to stay chosen, you are not actually chosen. You're tolerated. You're performing for acceptance instead of being seen for who you really are, and that emptiness you feel. That's your soul calling you back to the version of you that's buried under all the [00:03:00] pleasing.
Love isn't about shrinking. It's about expanding the right. People don't need you to shrink.
They want you to rise. Your real power. The kind that feels magnetic comes from taking up space with your truth, your voice, your energy. And yeah, it's scary, because when you stop shrinking, some people will leave. But the ones who stay, they're your people. The ones who see all of you and choose you anyway.
Let's anchor this in your body right now. Wherever you are, let yourself settle in. If it's safe, close your eyes. Notice your breath. No need to change it yet. Just notice a gentle rise and fall.
Now take a deep, slow inhale [00:04:00] through your nose. As you breathe in, imagine your chest expanding, your ribs stretching wide, your heart opening just a little. Hold it at the top for three seconds. Exhale through your mouth with a sigh, letting your shoulders drop your body relax.
Let's do it again. Inhale. Feel your breath. Move all the way down to your belly, expanding your whole torso like you're filling up every corner of your being. Hold for three. And exhale. Imagine you're letting go of all the ways you've made yourself small.
If it feels good, gently roll your shoulders back. Let your spine grow tall. Your head float upward, your jaw soften. With every [00:05:00] inhale. Picture yourself growing a little bit bigger. Your energy expanding, filling the space around you. With every exhale, release, any tension, any old stories that say you have to shrink to stay safe.
Now bring your hands to your heart. Feel your heartbeat, steady and strong.
Remind yourself, I am allowed to take up space. I am safe to be seen.
I am worthy of love exactly as I am.
Take one more deep breath in filling your whole body with life. [00:06:00] Exhale slowly returning to the present moment.
Notice how your body feels now. Maybe a little more open, a little more powerful.
You don't have to shrink to be chosen. The version of you that feels too much is exactly the version the world is waiting for. So take up space, be loud with your truth, and if this episode hit you deep, share it with someone else who's tired of disappearing.
I'll see you in the next episode of the Inner Sanctuary Raw.
Thanks for listening to Inner Sanctuary RAW—share this episode with someone who needs the reminder that they never have to shrink to be loved.
